i babysat all afternoon, a girl i've been watching since she couldn't talk and today she said, "for instance," and i couldn't believe it. she used to think that i was cool, but now i am a pain, now she won't laugh with me. which is sad, right? which i can't take personally, right?

but anyway. i have money now. i could buy a dress! i could go out to sushi! i could buy homeopathic anxiety medicine! i could save it too. for some grand trip someday. for some grandness around the next bend. around the next afternoon trying to get six year olds to drink water and put on sunscreen. i am a really mean babysitter. i try to explain that my job is to keep her safe, try to explain the concept of inertia as a justification of why it is a good idea to ride the scooter a little bit slower but it doesn't really work.

once when she was still little i was there and there was a thunder storm. a scary one, and i explained that the clouds were friends, bumping into each other. saying "hi." i demonstrated with pillows and she believed it completely. it was basically true, and then she laughed and i put her to bed.