what does it mean to be a person? what does it mean to be a friend? to be a poet? to be a neighbor? to walk on the wild side? what does it mean to be a good person? what does it mean to be a bad person? what does it mean to try? what does it mean to work? what does it mean to have fun? what does it mean to dance?

this one time i went to a dance and danced. got so sweaty that my glasses fogged up. later, a boy told my date that we hadn't been dancing, that we'd been convulsing. convulsing had been really fun.

what does it mean to be cool? to be smart? to be good at making art? what does it mean to be funny? to remember all the words to a song? what does it mean to be hated? to be loved? to not care anymore? what does it mean to care too much? to care too little? to belittle? what does it mean to be short? to be a girl?

i'm jealous of the boys i know. jealous that they are able to leave at night and walk around. that they, in their tall boy bodies are allowed out at night, are deemed safe. that i am locked up, kept safe, going crazy in my head.

what does it mean to be crazy? what does it mean to be sane? what does it mean that i got through another day? another month? another year?