school started, see. and i'm a senior, see. which i would like to pretend isn't a big deal, like i'm not impressed with myself, but i'm totally impressed with myself, see. totally scared, see. because this is the last year that i know anything about. this is the last year where my life depends on my parents, the last year where school is obligatory. and so it's exciting. exciting to get to have this last year, exciting to have a future ahead of me. but it's also really scary, really weird.
and then we went to see this movie my aunt produced. it was in a big theater with a red carpet outside. like, it was like, legit. it was like a movie, a documentary about finance, about the economic blow up. about all the things that happened, all the people. all the choices that put us here. that put us here with the high unemployment rate, with the people who lost their homes. the movie was sick. it showed how systematic the crisis was. how choices exist within world that supports those choices, that system of thinking.
and then there i was, sitting there, and it's all bad, it's like really bad news. about how obama's not really our savior, about how we got fucked over. we being most of us, those of us who are not them. and i'm sitting there thinking about how much that stuff sucks, about how i have to be the other half, thinking about how i have to work hard so i can be really good and powerful, while those men are being really bad and powerful. about how i have to be intentional, about how i can't just have fun, about how i can have fun, but how i have to be good, about how i have to be moral, about how i might never get the second home i joke about.
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