i saw the bottle of wine on the table and wanted to drink it, read the problem three times through and couldn’t understand, wonder if i’ll ever be able to know, if i will be able to create the life that i want when i’m not sure what that means. i didn’t like all the drinking, camping, i would have been scared that the forest would burn down if it hadn’t been raining so hard. i like the sound of the rain, reminds me of where ever home is, being in my grandparents house with the wood stove and tv on. that doesn’t feel like home anymore. or i haven’t been there forever. that’s part of what makes me sad the not knowing where home is, the thinking that you are my home and that your family is my family before realizing that that is probably not true, that we will probably not get married. think that home should be forever, that something should be forever, and then realizing that there is nothing forever except my life will be my forever, that the only thing i will be able to compare myself to is myself, but who am i, and what am i good for, and how does one know one’s self without a context?