tired beyond belief

sleep has been an issue. hope as been an issue. breathing has, thankfully, not been an issue.

i'm at the spot right now, just finished my bagel. i like to salt and pepper by bagels. they taste better that way. anyway. i'm sitting here waiting. bones weighed down with whatever emotional and or physical weight that makes us tired.

i am typing right now. my wrists are sore and i want to watch skins. is it okay to watch skins on my laptop at the coffee shop? or do i need to wait until i get home, is tv somehow a private activity, in someway that typing is not, in some way that speaking is not?

i'm starting to feel like a grown up. the emotional complexity of any given day is incomprehensible.

instead of crying, biting the inside of your check, pushing your tounge to the top of your mouth, like it said on that website. how helpful or unhelpful that is. sitting in math class insisting that you're going to be okay, insisting that you are something that is worth it, something that you love, somethig that will be cared for. or something.