watching the five year olds i see that their experience is no different from this experience, and that what they feel is just the same as what i feel. and then with this, i can guess that there will never really be new feelings, just new routes, and more complexity. i have felt all the simple feelings, and then some combinations.

what is the use in marching forward into the forever. if i have already felt most everything there is to feel?

and i don't know what i want to do. not just now, but forever. i want (HERE) to be big and make big things. the fireworks. there is defiantly something wrong. something wrong? where either i'll be up ^ or way down



HERE, and feeling like shit. or as if there are only two settings on the cypress machine. obsessed with bad things, or obsessed with good things. none of it is any fun.

i want you to hold me. and make me feel like i'm HERE.